I'm not sure why I'm writing this, I have no family and no friends, any dreams cause all were destroy ,a girl wake me up of my fantasies and I don't have really any future prospects. I want a new beginning, a place where I can be a child enough to live and yet man enough to survive.
I was raised in a religious family where I went to church every Sunday and was taught the importance of faith and God in our lives but after all doesn't matter anymore. I got hurt... bad... when I was a child, no little child should be hurt. I have a feeling I shall go mad and lost without hope, I cannot go on longer with this feeling, is killing me inside.
Why should I bother trying anymore?
I've been put on medications to help the depression...At night I cannot sleep. I have no control over anything in my life, I'm just so afraid of tomorrow! But I'm not even afraid of dying. I'm trying to watch TV but I'm so lonely here. I'm scared so much from crying that I don't have any choice in the matter.
And I won't be the one to destroy anyone else's hopes and dreams because they destroy me all of them ,specially this girl that I loved in secret. Never again because I will be in a better place, full of impossible dreams and fairy tales that i couldn't never make reality cause never someone gave me an opportunity to show my interesting and my eternal fight for it cause they knew that I would do my best and i would teach them that they were wrong with me, but still anyone gave one ,so always I fail.
I can't stand this empty feeling that I'm having. I'm scared that I won't stop and I would want to stop, I keep thinking about the pills but I will see her from above...and will I break into pieces, I'm tired of trying impossible things ,making me impossible illusions. I think about suicide on a daily basis... sometimes it's all that I can think about, each day in the train station thinking about spring, it doesn't matter because any person will care about it.
Football season Is over, I won't play any more games, any reason more to be alive with this pain, I can't fight any longer. If anybody could have saved me it would have been her but I can't go on spoiling her life any longer, is a good reason to disappear, I like to think that she will agree cause I'm a disappoint of person ,nothing more valuable, my best trait is disappoint people and fight for them without a reason that they can't see it or appreciate.
But I'm not I'm just like anyone else ,I'm strange and all people hate me for it ,I feel I have lived long enough.
Please pray for me, I have fought against it but not anymore.
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